Retirement: Getting Rid of Stuff Your Kids Don't Want

  • 8th Jun 2025
  • 17 min read

I'm guessing every retiree faces this challenge. Many times we face it twice, once when our parents pass away, or move out of the family home, and again when we ourselves are faced with the same dilemma.

My mother will be 90 years old soon. She's lived in the same home since about 1968. Very little stuff has been cleared out of that house. After my father passed away in 2008, my mother asked about his basement shop. I told her to leave it alone. I rationalized leaving my father's shop intact because I thought I might need some of that stuff while I was up there. I suppose the real reason was that it was a shrine of sorts. He and I had spent a lot of time in the basement, or in the garage. I learned how to use my hands there, from a great teacher.

The reality has been that I have used the hand tools, wrenches, screwdrivers, etc. I've used some of the power tools too. There are drawers and jars full of screws, bolts and bit and pieces he thought he might re-use someday. I can't imagine that stuff is very valuable to anyone. I tend to bring some tools with me that I'm either not sure he had, or that I know I really need. A digital volt meter. Network termination and testing stuff.

My mother has recently started talking about moving somewhere where she doesn't have to think so much about all the things she can no longer do. May be time to start clearing out that house.

I saw this article and thought some of you may be facing the same situation.

2025-06-08-GettingRidOfStuff.pdf

UPDATED WITH A VERY THOUGHTFUL REPLY

Vic O. took the time to share some of his experiences with this subject. I thought his notes were very good and share them below. I had to edit for the website post so it looks a little different than what Vic sent me - blame me - not him.

Mark,

Good luck. I've lived through that scenario. Moved Mom & Dad out of their house to WL into an assisted living facility due to health / lack of mobility issues. Finally got Dad to agree to sell the house once he realized he was NOT going back to his home of 45 years, that he design and we physically constructed a lot of it.

Some thoughts on my experiences and what I learned from it... sorry for the long dissertation... its still "fresh" in my mind what an aggravation it was...

  • Home had 60+ years of accumulated belonging (ugh) it took me (3) trips and 18 days to get the house physically empty and ready for sale.

  • My sisters had a hard time with the sentimental value of items we grew up with. They made me a pile of things they thought I should have (Ugh).. back to that later...

  • There were tools I specifically wanted - just for the same reasons you had with your Dad's tools - memories, learnings, experiences and time with Dad.

  • I made sure that my sister's kids got some tools and roll around tool boxes. I gave my cousin the air compressor and some other items as well. I brought to WL the tools that had sentimental value - bench top drill press, hand tools, wrenches. When I was in my early teen years, Dad bought me my own hand tools - so I would leave his alone!

  • I had to sell: a 36-ft Motorhome, a car dolly, enclosed trailer and 2 cars to deal with. Fortunately I did not pay anyone to haul this stuff off. I got 1 guy to purchase all of it and basically got enough to make if feel worthwhile - since he had to pay the tow trucks to pick up all the vehicles. (I got away cheap)

  • I made at least 3 pick up truck loads to Hazardous waste:

    • Brake fluid, auto cleaners, antifreeze (new and used), Oil (new and used) power steering fluid, grease, Paint cans, cleaners, pesticides, cleaners, etc..
    • CRT TVs, Computer monitors, etc.

  • Dad had what your dad did: jars and jars of: screws, nuts & bolts, other parts "just in case I need something". I hated to see it all go - but I did not have room for it, plus I already had my own collection of hardware and extra "just in case" supplies.

    • I had this experience cleaning out my house of 25 years. I took it to the scrap man and made $35 for scrap steel, another $45 for copper, bronze, brass items, etc.. because I won't have room in the new house for that stuff. I'm already missing some of that stash.
    • Power tools that were broken but waiting to be fixed: got recycled in the metal dumpster at the landfill for free
    • This did cost money - but it was worth it as we filled up (4) of their 25-ft dumpster trucks to save trips to the dump and load and unloading. I'm not young anymore and had minimal help. 1-800 Got Junk was on speed dial for each trip. We would make piles in rooms of what no one wanted, the thrift stores did not want and these guys would come in, carry it out and load it into their trucks and haul off to recycling or the dump!

  • The items that my sisters piled up for me - I hauled to WL.

    • These items sat in the garage for 2 years and I finally took the time to go through them, I wanted a garage bay back in the house. 25 boxes of stuff boiled down to 1 box of items I wanted to keep.
    • The tools I brought back from Dad's, sat taking up space for 5 years.
    • Most items were duplicates of what I already had for tools, just older versions. Yes - still sentimental value, so I took pictures - but I did not have space for things I don't need - so to Habitat the tools and tool boxes went. They were very happy to take them off my hands.

  • I have kept some tools that "just in case" I may get an old car or decide to work on something else - I will have what I need. In time - those tools will get passed to the Kids or Habitat...

  • Right after I cleaned out Mom and Dad's house... in WL

    • I cleaned out all attic storage spaces of 90% of the items there. It had been out of sight, out of mid for years... time for it to GO! I had to deal with the last 10% last year getting the house ready to sell. Should have gotten rid of it all 5 years ago and left the attics empty.
    • Did a 1st pass through the house garage and detached workshop... Took a lot of excess wood, metal and scrap material from there.

  • New house - Attic storage with fold down stair. NOPE! will not be storing anything up there. Would have to carry it upstairs and then up the ladder into the attic. Not Happening.

  • I have learned that in the long run, if you do have storage space - you will fill it up.

    • Practice good time management and don't save items "to get back to" in the future - get rid of it.

  • Anticipate what your mobility may be like in the future.

    • I recall for years climbing in my grandparents attic ever year to get Christmas decorations and doing the same in Mom and Dad's house.
    • Have accessible storage for your seasonal decorations or occasional use items that you can get to even with decreased mobility.
    • My Christmas decorations are in an environmentally controlled self-storage unit a couple of miles from the house!

Other Learnings from my experiences...

  • During cleanout:

    • Learn to say NO.

      • If there is sentimental attachment - take pictures - can look at those any time and don't take a lot of space.
      • Your kids will not want it.
      • What will you do with the items at your house - put it on display, clutter up your house or will you use it daily - or will it sit in a box (the obvious answer here is get rid of it)
        • If you take it - your spouse or kids will end up having to deal with it.
      • Habitat for Humanity welcomes anything in decent shape. Appliances, Furniture and Tools are hot commodities
      • Cars can be donated to charities or sold
      • Let your siblings have whatever they want... Then you don't have to haul it home or anywhere else

    • Getting rid of stuff you don't want to keep: Wood furniture, leather furniture (don't know about cloth covered items), plastic furniture, appliances, tools, etc.

      • Yard sales are great but take your time and coordination to make it happen
      • Goodwill takes furniture, etc.. and will come pick it up.
      • Habitat for Humanity will come pick it up
      • Same with Salvation army.
      • Due to health requirements / safety standards Goodwill, habitat, etc.. will NOT TAKE
        • Mattresses, box springs
        • Dishwasher
        • Used faucets (they will take sinks)
        • Sleeper Sofas

  • See what the local Trash / Recycling Service that your parents have - what will they com pick up and haul off on regular trash day.

    • They took 4 box springs and mattresses (newest was 20 yrs. old), got rid of some other items on bulk trash pickup day.
    • Recycling came every week for standard items.

  • Walk through the house and pick out "low lying fruit" first - it can make a difference on getting rid of some items pretty fast, so it feels like you accomplished something:

    • Go through house, bathrooms, kitchen, basement, attic and garage and pull out:
    • Items that recyclable: cardboard boxes, plastic bottles, dishes, etc.. that you don't want and get rid of them
    • Items that are broken. Get rid of them
    • Items that can be donated, tag them, work to get them out of the house

  • Books:

    • Save your time and effort
      • If you don't want them...
        • Libraries are not interested in used old books.
        • Most used book stores don't want the old encyclopedias, or other books our parents kept.
          • They want to give you store credit to buy things there, not cash back to you.
          • Not all books can go in recycling because of the hardbound cover - I had to take a lot of them to the landfill as household trash.

  • There are some estate companies that will come purchase all the items in the house and haul it off.

    • You can describe items or send them photos, they will let you know if they are interested in what you have.
    • They can do yard sales / actions for it too and they get $$ for that.

  • IF there are things in your parents house you have never seen... easy to "pass it on" to someone else. My parents kept everything from all their uncles, parents etc.. that passed away.

    • Unless you really like it - get rid of it.

  • Don't argue with your siblings on items. Take the higher ground, be gracious and say "Of Course you can have it"... & "it needs to be out of the house by the end of the week".

  • My interests have changed over the years, or what I want to spend my time doing / working on has changed – some due to interest, some due to physical flexibility….

  • What I have found over the past 10 years things that I did, enjoyed, etc.. I lost interest in doing either because I did not have time to do it, nor funding, or taking care of it was just more time than I wanted to spending doing that now since I’m older.

    • I don’t want a swimming pool, don’t want the cost of chemicals and don’t want the daily / yearly maintenance

    • I like boats, but can rent one if I have the urge to go boating. Do not want to own or maintain one.

    • Ready for a smaller Yard, less landscaping. I’m there now…. After being in an apartment for a year, not sure I want even a small yard now – but my yard is much smaller now.

    • Cars & Car maintenance was a big part of my life over the years I had saved a lot of things for sentimental value.

      • Rebuilding motors, removing transmissions, rotating tires, etc.. all of that routine stuff….
      • I have not done these activities in years – life gets in the way, family, activities, Parental Care and discretionary income
      • When I moved – I let go 2 Oldsmobile V8 motors (1 motor came from my 1st car and had been in 3 cars during my life, 1 was the motor I built while in HS for drag racing in HS and College, 1 chevy v8 with transmission out of my grandfathers ’67 Biscayne, 2 turbo 400 automatic transmissions (Oldsmobile), a 215 Cubic Inc Buick Aluminum motor from a ’66 Wildcat) because it was cool and countless of car parts, dashes, interior parts, etc.. because the parts have sat for 30 years, no time, no car play-toys, etc…

    • Cars are more reliable than the vehicles I had in the 1970’s – 2010. I have not had to work on them typically other than maybe oil changes and filters.

      • My time is worth money – at least while I’m still working. Crawling under a car in 90+ degrees is not enjoyable anymore. Do I really want to do that brake job, or let someone else do it that I can take it back to if there is an issue.

    • So I got rid of the engines, tire changing tools, Engine hoist and kept a single floor jack and 4 jackstands and car ramps. And that was it for those tools – and I don’t really expect to use them unless I decide to get a car from the 1960s or 1970’s that would be “fun” to work on.. I of course still have all the hand tools, wrenches, brake tools etc.. if ever needed.

    • I still have some of the woodworking tools, although being stored in a storage unit for a year did not do me any favors. I will be busy with WD-40 and fine steel wool and/or naval jelly removing all the flash rust this on the cast iron tools.

    • I will probably add some more new woodworking tools to replace the old damaged ones, but space is now limited, I have 1 “bay” of space compared to a 3 car detached workshop that was full of my junk, my parents junk and my kids junk. So in reality I now have the same amount of usable space! LOL

    • I have also learned that If I have not seen something in a couple of years – I likely did not miss it and won’t needed. Also I’ve recently figured out – those “extra” packs of retainers to screw into drywall to hang pictures with etc.. that were a good buy or its good to have them around – when stored in a garage with heat, they get brittle and snap – so you have go by new ones anyway….. if you don’t need it – pitch it. If you only need 20 screws, yes its cheaper to buy the box of 100 pcs. But now you need space to keep the extras. (BTW it’s a box of 50 now vs. 100 and 2x the cost)

    • I will find new interests as time goes on, I’m sure – especially in the future when I do want to retire

      • I want freedom from being chained to a house so can travel and see kids and go places while we are physically still able to.
        • I really don’t want spend all my time in the yard (not 3 hours at a time), some Yard work is OK – maybe an hour a week?.
      • Physically, I can’t do some of the things I was able to do easily 20 years ago or even 5 years ago – so that helps set expectations on what tools, games, etc.. are important to keep or not.
      • After moving from the home of 25 years, to 3 large storage units and an apartment and back into a house – it is key to really thing about what is important to keep
        • I’m too old to be moving these tools, equipment etc.. and furniture
        • And for keeping Stuff - from a sentimental standpoint (I’ve gotten over that part)–
          • Will your kids want it, give it to them now… – if not… don’t saddle them with having to deal with it. They will have enough issues getting rid of all of my “daily stuff” in the house when the time comes.
            • Will I use it if I keep it….. if the answer is no – pictures are fine to look at.
          • Stuff takes up space that you can either use it for storing new stuff, or just have empty space.

Vic

AND SOMETHING ELSE TO THINK ABOUT

I have a younger sister who also worries about the burden of getting rid of stuff. I sent her the PDF article, along with Vic's notes. Today she sent me a link to a Facebook post that I thought was worth sharing. I think this is true for a lot of people. -Mark

The post...

When my mom was cleaning out her house over 23 years ago to sell it, I wasn't very sympathetic over her attachments to things. I would go over on weekends to help her, and we would go through things...things for a yard sale, things to donate, things to throw away. I would usually get upset over how long it was taking her to decide. For instance, we were going through kitchen cabinets, and she spent 20 minutes looking at a black iron kettle with a lid. Finally, I said,

“Mom, at this rate it is going to take us another 2 years.”

She told me that her mother used to make meals in that kettle and leave them at the doorsteps of neighbors during the Depression. Mom would deliver them, and then they would reappear back on her porch with an apron or a wood carving; something in return for the meal. I realized that everything that my mom was going through was really a reliving of her life.

If you are reading this and are under the age of 60, you won't get it. You haven't lived long enough. Most of you have not had to move your parents into a nursing home, or broken up their home. You haven't lived long enough to realize that the hours you spend picking out the right cabinets, or the perfect tile will not be what matters in the later years. It will be the handmade toothbrush holder or a picture that you took on vacation.

So, if your parents are downsizing, and moving to smaller places, or selling a home, give your mom and even your dad a break. For those things that you don't understand why they can’t just pitch, and why you think you know what needs to be tossed or saved, give them a little time to make their decisions. They are saying goodbye to their past, and realizing that they are getting ready for their end of life, while you are just beginning your life.

As I have been going through things, it is amazing just how hard it is to get rid of objects. But, life goes on, and you realize they are just things, but sometimes things comfort us. So give your parents or grandparents a break. Listen to their stories, because in 40 years, when you are going through those boxes and the memories come back, it will be hard to get rid of those reminders of precious moments that make up a life well lived.

You just don't have a clue until it happens to you, and then you will remember how you rushed them, and it will make you sad, especially if they are already gone, and you can't say, "I’m sorry...I just didn't understand until it was too late."